Where do I start with this one? I was not very eloquent last week.
“If you don’t have anything nice to say…”
Although I am getting acclimated to Portland now, I’m realizing a few things. One is that I’m not getting any younger. Two, I don’t ever feel completely settled anywhere.
Maybe it’s time for some personal stories about where I’ve lived.
How about the years during childhood and puberty?
I grew up in L.A. during the 1980′s. Some say that it was a more adventurous existence than most. My dad owned a shop on Melrose Avenue. We were east of La Brea, not quite near Heaven, Flip, Cowboys and Poodles, and the other stores that were further west near one of my old alma maters, Fairfax High School.
I met all manner of musicians, actors, creative types, neighbors and the like. This time really shaped me in a positive way but unfortunately, due to my mother’s passing, I had to leave Hollywood for Culver City when I was 11.
From the pulse of the City of Angels to a veritable suburb! In so many ways, I felt stunted. The middle school and high school cliques back in the day are alive and well. Thank you for reminding me, Facebook. A link of a link from a friend’s profile tells me all that I need to know.
The social roles at the first high school I attended were already established before I moved to their town. You know what? Even though it feels as if I swam upstream the entire time, I do believe that I am now a better person for it! I was a late bloomer and it’s weird to see how *ahem* different they look today.
Yes, that’s a picture that I’m in. Some of you weren’t even born yet! I was on the tennis team and eventually achieved “number one” in Varsity doubles. I never ranked as a singlet, though. It’s so weird to look at that picture as I don’t have very many of me from that time, although I do know that some old school chums are holding out on me. Hehe.
WEAR YOUR SUNBLOCK AND RETAINER is the moral of the story with THAT pic. I blurred out the name that they called me on the team. Another girl had my chosen name and when they made those t-shirts with the puffy paint, they christened me with another moniker. I really do suspect now that I lost some matches because I wouldn’t and couldn’t respond to what they called me.
As for an arch nemesis, no one is to be found on Facebook, yet I did learn of the untimely death of a girl in my class. She was in the popular group, and yet actually inspired me to be the best version of myself. R., you won’t be forgotten. I still remember and appreciate you taking the time out at the confusing “Leadership Camp” to extend unconditional kindness to me.
I haven’t thought about that in about 15 years. A really odd memory just now was of a game that was played. Coed and it involved two people. There speaker and then someone was the subject. The focus, as it were. The subject was alone in a room while the speaker sat behind a curtain. (Like their VOICE would be cloaked, yeah right.)
I believe that the purpose of this “exercise” was to help the subject feel better about themselves and also receive constructive criticism? Each speaker would depart after they were done, within 5 minutes or so, until everyone had their turn. I can’t remember exactly and quote verbatim what they said about me, but I do remember feeling further ostracized from my peers.
Enough about the past for this entry.
The wanderlust that I’ve been afflicted with as of late shows no signs of abating. I’m scared, as I’m not in the most practical financial position to make something truly *major* a reality, at least for the time being. I’m still recovering on all fronts, especially the $$ one from “the Seattle debacle,” which is also known as the lost years? Wait, I’ll rescind that comment and say that all who wander aren’t necessarily lost. We might stumble into a trap or two though, if we’re not careful.
My feelings on the time that I served there go back and forth. In one corner, I wouldn’t have some special people in my life that are truly very dear to me, if I hadn’t taken the plunge and moved. In the other corner, there are situations and people that leave me feeling very bewildered at best and truly hardened at worst. It’s too bad that certain Facebook features don’t extend to the rest of my life.
Fill in your preferred cliche as needed.
So I’ve been in Portland for a few months and I’ll admit for the record that I appreciate Seattle much more now. It gives me a good excuse to visit some really cool people and also attend this year’s Decibel Festival.
Some acts that I’m excited to see are Modeselektor, Fennesz, Monolake, Mary Anne Hobbs, L’usine, Emancipator, Kid Hops and more.
Today begins anew for me and I know that I’ll feel better due to some positive changes that I’ve made over the weekend. A few weeks isn’t a long time, yet there are some definite points that are coming to fruition. I’ve got some time to wait for the changes and that makes me smile.
Shine on,
Lisa
